Late-night calling helps heal past wounds

Thursday, Dec. 29, 2005

One night as Fort Washington’s Valencia A. Baldwin-Johnson was about to go to sleep she says she felt a calling.

‘‘The Lord said, ‘Write, Valecia,’ so I picked up my notebook,” Baldwin-Johnson said. ‘‘One hour and 9 minutes later, I had these affirmations, and the urge to write was gone.”

Valecia A. Baldwin-Johnson How she’s making a difference: Baldwin-Johnson conducts speaking engagements in the county to share her experiences with healing from childhood abuse and to encourage women not to suffer hurt in silence. To contact her, call 301-749-8411 or send an e-mail to iamonmyjourney@aol.com.

Here’s an example of some of her writings from that night:

‘‘I was never responsible for healing my family members.”

‘‘I’m a drug addict through marriage ... and I’ll be in recovery the rest of my life.”

‘‘I can wear uncoordinated clothing and still be OK.”

Baldwin-Johnson used those affirmations to write, ‘‘By His Grace, My Journey Was Revealed.” In addition to writing, Baldwin-Johnson, a New York native, speaks to women throughout Prince George’s County to encourage them to open up, let go of past hurts and use their stories and experiences to help others.

‘‘The perceptions you bring to the book will determine how the affirmations affect you,” she said.

Although Baldwin-Johnson wrote that she was a drug addict through marriage, for example, she wasn’t referring to her husband.

‘‘I said I’d be in recovery for the rest of my life because of my father’s marriage to my stepmother,” Baldwin-Johnson said. ‘‘She was a drug user.”

I will learn from the addictive behaviors I witnessed as a child.

‘‘My biological mother was an alcoholic and a drug abuser, and my father was verbally abusive,” Baldwin-Johnson said. ‘‘Many times I felt worthless, dispensable and invisible. I tried to figure out what I could do to please them and be acceptable but nothing really worked.”

Because of the abuse in her family, Baldwin-Johnson said her childhood was anxious and uncertain. Every breath was a struggle.

‘‘You never knew when you’d get cursed out, punched or slapped,” she said. ‘‘At the same time, my family needed me to cook meals and clean the house. So what were the rewards for what I was doing?”

Although Baldwin-Johnson eventually left home, she carried rage, fear and other destructive emotions with her.

‘‘I was a master manipulator and a bully,” she said. ‘‘I could crush you with my words. I missed so many opportunities to genuinely connect with people.”

Baldwin-Johnson began breaking the cycle by cutting off contact with her family for about eight years. During that time she took counseling classes, read helpful books, and prayed.

‘‘I willed myself out of that history,” she said. Later, she re-established healthier relationships with her family, including her father.

‘‘I put up boundaries and said no more — no more bullying,” she said. ‘‘I was saved from under that umbrella.”

I will speak openly about my experiences.

Baldwin-Johnson notes a lack of authenticity among residents in this county.

‘‘The perception is that if you belong to a certain church or live in a particular neighborhood, you have no troubles,” she said. ‘‘You can’t say you’re struggling. People make quick perceptions, and it makes you more invisible. There’s a sense of shame and a lack of trust.”

To encourage women to open up and talk Baldwin-Johnson shares her journey with groups of women, discusses her experiences with violence and abuse and tells how she developed the affirmations. Then she listens to questions and comments from the audience.

‘‘People who attend these sessions regularly will come to an event and say, ‘I’m wearing my waterproof mascara today,’” Baldwin-Johnson said.

Women feel a connection, and Baldwin-Johnson is often overwhelmed by the intimate, painful details they share about abusive marriages; harsh, angry parenting and more. Still, she says, ‘‘the more authentic we’re willing to be, the more courageous the next woman will be. If you can say, ‘Five years ago I was about to commit suicide,’ you give someone else permission to open up.”

Although she’s no longer suffering abuse or hurting others, Baldwin-Johnson says she has a long way to go.

‘‘I still have issues with anger,” she said. ‘‘People may do things unintentionally that trigger a response, but that doesn’t mean they’re trying to hurt you.”

As for her family’s response to her book and the history she’s revealing to others, Baldwin-Johnson offers one more affirmation: ‘‘It’s my truth, my journey. It’s OK with me if it’s not OK with them.”