More News

The Gazette asked Gayle Bromberg, a licensed certified social worker- clinical with Blue Ridge Behavioral Health Services in Frederick, to talk about tips for parents making a move with children.

Bromberg has been practicing in Frederick for 29 years, and specializes in relationship difficulties, difficult life transitions and circumstances.

How can issues with moving vary in younger versus older children?

Bromberg: Infants and toddlers generally have an easy time moving, as long as they maintain their connection with attachment figures (parents and other primary caregivers). In this age group, keeping consistency of their routines and providing safety in rooms that are in disarray or not yet safety-proofed are important issues during the move.

By the age of 5, many children have a strong positive connection with a teacher and some friends, which may include families who are close to the child's family. They may be sad about leaving, and will require their parents' help to keep in contact with old friends and make new ones.

By middle school, peer relationships are often so central to a child's sense of self that it is especially difficult to move away from friendship groups. Some children have confidence that they can make new friends, and some go into a new neighborhood or new school with a lot of worries about how they will be received.

Older teenagers also sometimes find it hard to switch schools or neighborhoods, even though they often have more mobility and ability to keep in contact with old friends. Often, older teenagers have already established their individual identities adequately enough that they can more easily find their niche in a new situation, but they may find the opportunities are different in a new area. For example, if they were on a sports team or in dramatic performances in the old school, they may not be eligible to join immediately in the new school, or courses may be more or less challenging in the new school.

How should parents approach the topic of a move with their children?

Bromberg: Parents should tell their children about a planned move in as positive and reassuring way as possible. There are many reasons why parents may be choosing or finding it necessary to move, and how they explain it to the children may either contribute to worries and fears, or foster a sense of security.

Information about and visits to the new home and community make the new situation more familiar and can also generate a sense of positive anticipation about the move. Parents may also talk with their children about hand carrying an important toy, transitional or loved object, or photos to the new residence. Some parents find it helps children look forward to a move if the children are offered the opportunity to decide colors to paint their new room or select some furnishings or decor.

What types of reactions can a parent expect and why?

Bromberg: Parents can expect positive excitement about a new home, but also may find that their children are apprehensive about moving from the familiar to the unknown. Some children will also react with sadness, distress or even anger about having to leave friends, teachers, school, teams. If parents are moving because they can no longer afford their house, older children may be aware of and share the parents' worries about money.

Why can moving make a child feel uneasy or scared?

Bromberg: Moving is usually a big stressor for adults, with all the packing, unpacking, financial arrangements and getting re-situated on many levels. Parents tend to have less time and patience for their children during a move. Children may sense their parents' anxieties and these may contribute to their own. It helps to make time for talking and fun with the children, and to ask them about their worries and concerns. Some children, based on their temperament and history of other stressors, have a harder time making transitions and adapting to change. Parents need to provide extra help for children who have a harder time with changes, but not to overlook their more flexible and adaptable children, who may be keeping worries to themselves in order to lower the burden on the rest of the family. Many children are anxious, as well, about whether they will be able to maintain important relationships from the old neighborhood, and whether they will be able to make friends in the new community.

What can parents do to prepare their child for a move?

Bromberg: Parents can help children problem-solve about how they can keep in touch with friends and other people who are important to them, by telephone, e-mail, visits. Making an address and telephone book with the child, or planning times when parents can take children to visit their old friends, can help. Taking photos of the kids with their old friends and making a photo book also supports children. When visiting the new community, it helps to find a playground or some attraction that the children can look forward to frequenting.