The Love Guru
Rated PG-13. 88 minutes.
Comedy.
Cast: Mike Myers, Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake, Romany Malco, Verne Troyer.Director: Marco Schnabel.
For the first 10 minutes of ‘‘The Love Guru,” I was bored and baffled. Did this white guy (Mike Myers) really think he was funny while pretending to be a flower power yogi? Even my teenaged sons whispered they wanted to leave pronto. But before long, and in spite of my better judgement, I was chuckling through the wall-to-wall potty humor bits. ‘‘The Love Guru” is pure cotton candy, offering instant pleasure, then dissolving into forgettable, if somewhat sticky, nothingness.
Myers co-wrote the ‘‘The Love Guru” with Graham Gordy, and together they offer nonstop pubescent boy humor. Sure, these aging adolescents understand pop culture, offering up spoofs on the billion-dollar self-help industry, Bollywood and drugged–up TV sportscasters. Myers plays Guru Pitka, a second-rate self-help romance counselor, envious of his childhood friend Deepak Chopra’s worldwide success. Growing up together in India, both boys were trained under the cross-eyed and hard-to-watch Guru Tugginmypuddah (Ben Kingsley). This Academy Award winner clearly needs work, no matter if it includes relieving himself in a copper bucket. One of his first guru-in-training sessions is so nauseating even Pitka appears to gag.
Fast-forward 15 years. Pitka and his agent Dick Pants — another oh, so very clever name — devise a plan to help the second-string guru surpass Chopra’s popularity. They figure a guest appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show will help them make their mark. Unfortunately, Oprah’s bookers aren’t interested in booking Pitka — unless the so-called Love Guru can bring hockey star Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) and his wife Prudence (Meagan Good) back together. Since their breakup, Roanoke can’t seem to get the puck in for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Worse, his nemesis, L.A. Kings legendary goalie Jacques ‘‘Le Coq” Grande (Justin Timberlake), has moved into Roanoke’s mansion. This former ’N Sync member may be a teen idol, but now proves he can be a creepy character offering not one smidgen of sex appeal.
With plenty of famous folks to look out for, Stephen Colbert is a hit, playing a TV sportscaster and former drug addict, who feels it necessary to confess his sins on camera during televised hockey games.
Besides the mostly thin-as-melting-ice story line, the dirty jokes took their toll. Even my sons, who like most boys love a good flatulence joke, left the preview, saying, ‘‘There were too many potty jokes. It got boring.”
Afterwards, we had fun counting the stereotypes, from Indian nerds to a black mom physically abusing her hockey-playing son. Roanoke may be the ‘‘the Tiger Woods of hockey,” but he shakes whenever his mom is around. Of course, his dad isn’t even mentioned. Verne Troyer (aka Mini-V), playing Maple Leaf coach Punch Cherkov, is the brunt of ‘‘midget jokes.” Probably one of the funniest scenes is when Myers and Alba squeeze into the coach’s tiny office. But watching him turn into a hockey puck seemed truly sad after, just this morning, I heard Troyer on a radio show explaining how offensive the word ‘‘midget” is.
Bollywood is lovingly spoofed, with Myers playing the sitar while singing 1990s music including ‘‘More Than Words” and ‘‘9 to 5.”
Then there is the lovely Jessica Alba, who somehow landed the part of Maple Leaf owner Jane Bullard. She is way too serious and OK I will say it – way too staid – to play the foil to Myers’ love guru. Besides, it has always amazed me how Myers can play an ugly guy going after the prettiest girl.
For lovers of potty humor, this film is worth seeing on the big screen; for the rest of us, save it for video.
