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Growing up as an only child, Julie Kaufhold of Emmitsburg always wanted a sibling. But there was one catch — she wanted the sibling to be older, not younger.
Despite her parents chuckling at the request, Kaufhold, now 37, clearly remembers thinking an older brother or sister would be great, since they would have older friends over to the house and would pave the way for her to follow.
Parents who have only one child are usually able to provide more time and attention to that child. "They get a lot more quality time with parents," Kaufhold said.
Mark and Ellen Przybocki of Frederick say their 5-year-old daughter, Jemma, enjoys the benefit of exclusive one-to-one attention.
"As parents, having an only child allows us to focus on her needs and provide her with a variety of experiences, free of conflict that a sibling might impose," Ellen, 42, said, noting that scheduling music and soccer practice around homework time comes easily since there is only one child to assist.
"The three of us are well in synch with each other, and we've found a consistent rhythm that works," she said.
Kaufhold said this added attention may also cause an only child to gravitate more comfortably to adults, resulting in higher verbal skills. Przybocki agrees.
"Her voice is heard, and she has a sense of maturity about her," Przybocki said of Jemma. "She's a great thinker and can hold a decent conversation with adults. Stating her opinion comes naturally and with self-assuredness."
Terri Cook-Fasano, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist in Frederick, said some people think only children are "bossy, self-centered, dependent or mature too quickly," but that those attributes aren't any more common with only children than in children with siblings.
"Many children with siblings relate and talk to their siblings rather than their parents at times, while the only child's primary role models are parents," Cook-Fasano said. "The result is that only children copy adult behavior as well as adult speech patterns and develop good reasoning skills early on, making them better equipped to handle the ups and downs of growing up."
Przybocki thinks the added time with Jemma, specifically reading to her, has contributed to her daughter having a "vivid imagination."
"She has an abundance of characters and stories in her mind from those we've read about and those she creates," Przybocki said.
Tom and Wray Pianta of the Clover Hill neighborhood in Frederick, agree that having only one child allows them to "spend the attention you need."
"I can devote a lot of time and energy to her," Tom, 44, says of his 12-year-old daughter, Alexa. "She does really well at school. She's very successful."
Wray, 52, said that planning vacations and traveling can be simpler with a single child to think about, noting that both "financially and logistically, it can be easier."
There can be challenges to having just one child, Wray admits, as she was an only child herself. Sometimes Alexa feels like it is two against one when dealing with family matters.
"When you grow up with siblings, you learn more about taking turns, being respectful," she said. "Our attempt as parents was to teach her these things."
When asked about the stereotypes surrounding only children, the Piantas say they have heard the idea that only children are spoiled, but don't pay much attention to it.
"I just don't think stereotypes hold up, good or bad. Every kid is their own person, so I don't think too much about the stereotypes," Wray Pianta said.
Przybocki, who grew up the youngest of eight children and whose husband grew up in a family of seven siblings, knows what it is like to live frugally, with just the basics and lots of hand-me-downs. Now, as a mother of one, she says it can be tempting to buy things for her daughter.
"It's too easy to pick up little things that I know I would have relished as a kid," she says. "It gives me a vicarious pleasure, but I need to temper that temptation … with the drawbacks of immediate gratification."
Cook-Fasano agrees that often, parents find greater financial flexibility while raising an only child. They are also able to devote more concentrated time and attention to the child.
"[This provides] their child with a sense of priority/importance that children with siblings often lose out on due to competition for attention," she said. "This undivided attention may lead to a stronger, more closely connected family unit."
Pianta says even though she grew up without siblings, her childhood was filled with friends and playmates. The benefit was that those children could go to their own homes after playing, so she could have alone time as well.
"I completely enjoyed being an only child," Pianta said.
— Staff Writer Katherine Mullen contributed to this report.
