Bereaved parents find hope, support

The Compassionate Friends hopes to reach out to parents who have lost children

‘‘He was loving and friendly,” Manning said. ‘‘He would just walk up to you and want to hold your hand.”

Manning said she often marks anniversaries of his passing by going through a box of his school items, visiting his grave or just driving around and thinking about time they spent together.

For Manning’s husband, however, she said discussing their son was often too painful.

‘‘I always wanted to talk about Bryce, but my husband didn’t want to be reminded of all the sad times,” Manning said.

Manning found a way to voice some of her feelings after the passing of her son through The Compassionate Friends, a support group for bereaved parents. Hesitant at first, she said that after her first few meetings she felt relieved to talk with others who had experienced the pain of losing a child.

‘‘I was thrilled because I was able to say things I wasn’t able to say to other people,” Manning said. ‘‘You can say anything you want, and these people will just listen.”

Eventually, Manning and her husband would both become regular attendees of the support group, which meets monthly at the Potomac Presbyterian Church.

‘‘These people have been where you are,” said Silver Spring resident Lilyan Heupel, another member of the group. Heupel lost two children who both had cerebral palsy. ‘‘There’s no judgment and they’re very accepting of what you’re feeling.”

An international group with about 600 chapters in the United States alone, the goal of The Compassionate Friends is to provide support, lend an ear and reach out to bereaved parents in the community. The Potomac chapter of the group serves bereaved parents in Montgomery County and surrounding areas.

In light of the recent deaths of several county teenagers in car crashes, Susan Johnson, co-leader of the group, said she hopes to reach out to newly bereaved parents in the county. Since the beginning of the year, three teens have died in fatal car collisions in the county.

Toward that end, the group will host a concert Tuesday at the Potomac Presbyterian Church featuring songs by Alan Pederson, a Colorado man who lost his 18-year-old daughter Ashley in a car crash in 2001. After becoming involved with The Compassionate Friends, Pederson released several CDs of songs about grief and now tours the country full time sharing his story and performing.

Pederson said his music was his way of honoring his daughter, and he hopes to act as an example for newly bereaved parents of someone who has ‘‘made it through.”

‘‘I wish someone would have come along with that message for me when I first lost Ashley — that your life can and will get better again,” Pederson said.

‘‘Losing a child is really one of the worst things that can happen to anyone,” Johnson said. ‘‘You’re so intertwined with them, it’s like losing a limb.”

Johnson’s 24-year-old son Michael drowned at Rehoboth Beach in 1998.

Manning said helping others learn to deal with their grief has helped her deal with her own. The important thing she has learned from the group, she said, is that she’s not alone in her sorrow. She hopes she can spread that message to other bereaved parents. ‘‘I just want people to know there is a place to go to and they don’t need to walk alone.”

If you go

The Potomac Chapter of The Compassionate Friends will sponsor a concert featuring the music of Alan Pederson at 7 p.m. Tuesday at the Potomac Presbyterian Church, 10301 River Road, Potomac. For more information, call 301-253-8740 or visit www.tcfdcmetro.com.