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Social worker Pat Harvey was adamant about the title of her new book "Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions." The publisher preferred a title with the words "Intensely Emotional Child," but Harvey and co-author Jeanine A. Penzo insisted that the title not label children in any way.

Not pegging a child who has emotion regulation difficulty is important, explains Harvey, because it helps people understand that while behavior may be problematic, nothing is inherently wrong with the child's character or personality.

"That allows us to see the kid in a much broader perspective than just a label," says Harvey, who lives in Rockville.

The book has four parts that establish a basis for understanding certain emotions and delineate step-by-step methods to help defuse outbursts. It also talks about how parents can attend to their own needs and help other family members do the same.

A series of questions begins the book. Responding positively to any of them constitutes an indication that "Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions" is for you.

"Is your child screaming in the grocery store because he can't have something you told him in advance he couldn't have? Is your child the one who keeps crying when everyone else seems to be having a good time? Does your child look at you with anger in his eyes when you tell him he can't do something he wants to do? Does he have a tantrum when you have simply asked him to get ready for bed? Is homework a nightmare? Do you dread telling your child no?"

The book uses the techniques of what mental health professionals call dialectical behavior therapy, which Harvey defines as a highly structured system that includes individual and group therapy as well as listening skills training. The goal is to help people change behaviors that don't help them achieve their goals, and manage emotional pain in a more effective way.

Harvey first learned about the therapy while working at The Bridge of Central Massachusetts, a mental health facility. While very effective, she says it not widespread and can be extremely expensive. The book is her way of making the techniques more accessible.

The two social worker-authors met when Penzo and her husband attended one of Harvey's training sessions. The Penzos wanted to be more effective parents to their daughter who has emotion dysregulation. Harvey says Penzo's personal knowledge of the subject matter enriched the book.

"Understanding it from her perspective allowed me to be sensitive enough to hear other people's stories, too," Harvey says.

Penzo and Harvey wanted their book to have a consistent, clear message and a non-blaming tone. While some children with emotional disturbances and behavioral problems have suffered abuse or some sort of trauma, the reality is that many simply have a different kind of brain chemistry.

During her career as a social worker, Harvey witnessed a good deal of suffering in parents unfairly judged because of their child's emotional regulation problems.

"There's still a lot of stigma in this society about mental health and emotional problems," she points out.

Often, the parents are exhausted and simply don't know where to turn for help. They tend to react to their child's issues and try to keep them under control in ways that are not always productive.

"Parents begin to be shaped by that [behavior], and they get frustrated and overwhelmed," Harvey says.

The book is intended for parents and focuses on children, ages 5 to 12, although Harvey says the techniques can benefit families with children of virtually any age.

"I think most of us have periods of time where we have a lot of emotionality," she says.

Harvey wants the book to bring some peace to families struggling with behavioral disturbances.

"There is a lot of hope for children with any kind of emotional intensity," Harvey says.

She wants to impress upon parents the importance of accepting the situation while also hoping for a better future. As such, she says she always signs copies of the book "With acceptance and hope, Pat Harvey."

"I absolutely believe that change is possible," she declares.

"Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions" is available at a 15 percent discount online if purchased through the author's Web site: www.patharveymsw.com.